There's a lot going on in my life and the lives of those around me right now. It seems like each night when Sam and I get ready to pray, there are so many heavy requests to bring before God. Friends are deeply struggling or in need. Dark situations need to have light shed on them. It's hard to know what to do or think during these times. Joy is not the question. We know that we have joy because we are not in control of these things and we can leave them to our Father... but how do you communicate that to someone who is the victim of abuse in some way and is downright angry? How do you comfort those who are constantly losing everything they have? How do you remind that to one you cannot empathize with? Sometimes, there are a lot of burdens and life is just downright heavy.


  1. I have been thinking about the same things of late. Sometimes the best we can do for those we care for is saying the words " This sucks" " This is hard". These words for friends and family after Matteo's death meant so much to me. There is so much pressure as Christians to say the " right thing" However what I think people need most is the raw acknowledgment of their pain. When Matteo died working inside the intense Process of grief has taught me so much about our human condition. We all grieve, sometimes we don't realize we are and this process has to run it's course before we can reach Joy and acceptance of our reality.

    If I have learned anything I have learned how true this is for all of us wether from... Death, infidelity, divorce, abuse, abandonment, job loss, addiction, etc.... All of these carry their grief and that process can take a long time. The reality of our pains and suffering brings with it joy and beauty but to reach that we have to go through the pain.

    This has been my experience and I am finding over and over that living in the silence and heaviness in a real way with our friends and family gives them what they really need and in time God gives the grace and joy when they are ready for it. Pope John Paul the 11 famously said " Be Not Afraid" he reminded people that pain has a beauty and a purpose that teaches us a profound truth that we don't receive without pain and that when we make it through the fear and pain we come out the other side stronger and a different. This truth slammed me in the face and soul after Matteo passed and now I can say, I am not the same Rebekah I was before and gratefully so, but It came at a great cost. I am not sure if what I am writing comes close to what you are feeling, but it is my thoughts on the subject at this moment.

    Pain and heaviness mingled with joy and peace, this is a strange mystery to be living in.

    Love you Rae, Rebekah

  2. Rebekah,
    Thank you so much for sharing. Most of the time when I'm trying to communicate love to someone going through grief I either say the wrong thing or am too afraid to say the wrong thing so I say nothing. I had no idea what to say to you and John when Matteo died, except that we were praying for you. Because that's all we really knew to do. I wish I could've been able to offer something more, but I know that nothing I could have ever given would have changed your deep hurt and grief. You are right when you say that God uses pain to teach us beautiful truth. I have experienced that very much in my life... it is what drew me to Him. He uses other's grief to do teach us that as well, I think. People we love. And we feel a little of what he did when Mary Magdalene threw herself at his feet in grief when Lazarus died and he wept. We are made to feel. We are made to love each other and to feel each other's pain. The bible tells us to bear one another's burdens. If we don't... the weight of our burdens will crush us. But when we share that weight, it strengthens us. It is healing to share in the heaviness of life with those around us. Thank you for the reminder.

  3. Rebekah - what wise words. I am absorbing them and learning something here.

    "The reality of our pains and suffering brings with it joy and beauty but to reach that we have to go through the pain."

    Yes, sometimes I think even when I am in the middle of the pain I feel like it is not ok to acknowledge it fully. There appears to me to be such a fine line between honest acknowledgment and self pity. But in reality, there is a world of difference and I am still working on defining it. Self pity wants to hang on to the pain in order to gain something; it does not want to heal. Honest acknowledging of the pain is much healthier. Telling the truth about it, at least to ourselves, does help us move through it and gain that joy and beauty that you speak of, the good that God promises to those who love Him. It makes good sense then that to help our friends we sometimes do best by just acknowledging their pain, and helping them to acknowledge it themselves.

    "...living in the silence and heaviness in a real way with our friends and family gives them what they really need and in time God gives the grace and joy when they are ready for it."

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. You articulate these things well, and I find it helpful.

  4. Hello Ray and Mama K, Ray first off I hope I haven't made you feel like you didn't say the right things to us, but I have felt nothing but love and prayers from you=) I have so many times been in the same place not sure what to say to someone who has lost. I guess it is one of the things that came from losing our sweetie. I love your blog it is thoughtful and well written. To both of you, I don't normally get onto blogs, but your words pulled me in. It is therapy for me to share and I so appreciate both of your words dearly.

    Peace be with you.


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