Longing to Get Lost


I am feeling so mixed lately. I have such a desire to do everything and nothing at the same time. My soul feels adventurous, but my mind and body say, "Shh.... get some rest!" It's not hard to decide who to listen to after running a pregnant body around after a two-year-old all day. Usually, I'll always take the rest.

But I long to take the adventures.

Don't get me wrong, every day is an adventure with my little one. Like today, for example, when she woke up with a hurrah and was a whirlwind of non-stop joyful energy all day long. She seized the day while singing songs, skipping, talking to strangers ("Oh, hiiiiiii! I'm Salem!" to everyone we see), and having long conversations with her blankie-covered feet, which she claimed were seagulls. So, you see, it is quite an adventure mothering this little one. She is on a new exploration of love and life every minute of the day. Unfortunately, my weary self can't keep up all the time.

I become impatient, sitting on the floor with a diaper and wipes, waiting for her to finish her 267th jump on her bed that she wants me to watch ("See dat??") and begin to melt in a puddle of exhaustion. Sometimes, I want an adventure of my own. I want to wander somewhere by myself and get lost in the day as it unravels.

How do we remain adventurers as mothers? How do we mix structure and spontaneity? I know there must be some creative ideas out there. I'm up for some inspiration.


  1. Rae,

    I love the way this was written. So easy and fun to read. Writing is usually my adventure these days. Space for a creative outlet is so essential. I don't feel like I've ever really mastered the art of balance in my life. Parenting is no exception. I certainly lean toward losing myself in the process. I'm working on that, determined to cultivate the Self that was unearthed not too long ago.

    1. Thanks, Kathi. I appreciate your thoughts :) We live in such a tension between losing and finding ourselves.

  2. I do not have a child and am not currently pregnant. However, I totally understand this post. Some days I truly feel in need of an adventure. Sadly, the list of things I need to get done usually wins.


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