Crazy Talk


Most days, I like inquisitive conversation with my five-year-old and two-year-old about as much as I like tea made with toilet water (which I have tasted more often than I would like to admit, thanks to the two-year old). Sure, curiosity and discovery are a normal, beautiful part of a child's development. And excruciatingly annoying. My intention is to honestly answer my children's questions in hopes that they will learn new things about the world each day. That lasts about five seconds. They are never satisfied with a satisfactory answer to a question, so the questions are endless. Soon they are questioning the construct of a question itself, and I'm left with an empty stare and existential drool dripping from the side of my mouth. 

TWO-YEAR-OLD (looking at cracker): What does this say?
ME: It says Glutino.
TWO-YEAR-OLD: What does this one say?
ME: Glutino. They all say Glutino.
TWO-YEAR-OLD: What does this one say?
ME: Every single one of them says Glutino. They are all the same.
TWO-YEAR-OLD: What does this one say?
ME: Bangs head against the wall.

Admittedly, the five-year-old has grown out of the endless questions game, and grown into a new stage of confidently defying fact and logic. 

FIVE-YEAR-OLD: Mama, I'm playing a memory game with my crackers to see if I can remember which one is which!
ME: But... I just said... they are all exactly the same.
FIVE-YEAR-OLD: No they aren't. This one has a couple of tiny scratches on it!

Usually my brain has finished reforming from the pile of mush it became just in time for more invigorating toddler/preschool conversation topics. By the end of the day, I'm not sure I remember who I am, or why I am here, or if the crackers really are all the same or the cracker company just wants us to believe they are all the same at first glance in order to hide imperfections and keep us in a calm state of cracker acceptance and consumption. On the occasion that another adult calls or stops by, I am in a state of desperation, ready to talk about anything and everything unrelated to crackers. Please, DEAR GOD, save me! 

My children have learned too well the "...I need a break!" response that often comes after several hours of interrogation. It's so familiar, they've even started saying it to each other. Which, when you think about it, is a great communication skill in the face of conflict. They're learning their own limits and how to let someone else know their limits, too. And that's, of course, what I have planned all along. I am such a good parent like that. Deep down, I am teaching my children valuable life lessons by letting them break me. So deep. Deep end of a pool deep. Lake deep. Mariana Trench deep. So deep, I've stopped treading water and... help, I'm drowning!


  1. Your life is full of moments as there are a lot of people who do not have such moments in their lives and are unable to enjoy with their children because they do not have any but you are lucky enough to have all the blessings and that is the reason they have to go for osteopathy Canberra to settle their body aches that they get after thinking a lot about the problems.


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